 Sensi |
 Sensi |
Sensi |
Sensi |
Please take a look at the beautiful and stunning kitty above. She is Sensi Sutliff, one of the most marvelous blessings that God has ever blessed me with in my entire life. Sensi died 5 years ago today from cancer, and I wish to pay tribute to her and memorialize her on this day.
Sensi came to me via my front porch as a stray kitty in May 1983. My previous kitty, Mr. Biddie had just died two months earlier of feline leukemia, and I was heavily into drugs and booze and major depression. So when I saw this gorgeous pure white kitty, I was blown away totally, and fell instantly in love with her, and I adopted her.
The next 7 years of my life were extremely screwed up. I spent most of my free time totally getting trashed on booze and drugs. My life was a wreak and I was a total mess and very screwed up mentally. Yet during this whole tumultuous time, Sensi was always by my side, in my lap, sleeping with me, trying to cheer me up, being the driving force that kept me in existence and not blowing my head off with a gun that I had thought so many times of doing. Sensi always helped me to keep enough into reality so I would still be around to take care of her, thus making me still stay alive yet another day.
In July 1989, my addictions came to the what we call the last big crash. I went on a non-stop 10 day drinking binge, eating nothing, drinking booze, getting stoned, getting sick, and not even wanting to take care of Sensi. But yet she still wanted to take care of me. No matter how much I ignored her, no matter how much I was off into my mood altered state, she always was there by my side, cheering me up, talking to me, giving me her undivided attention, and giving me her love.
Finally, on July 4, 1989, I had had enough. I was going to kill myself that day, but I did not go through with it because of Sensi. Because every time I looked into her beautiful face and eyes, I knew I could not let her down or myself down by ending my miserable life. So, I checked myself that night into Crouse Irving Memorial Hospital's De-Tox Ward, and finally got my act and my life together. I am going on 14 years of recovery now from booze and drugs. Sensi was the major being and force behind this success that still goes on to this day.
So, when I sobered up, I made a decision to dedicate my life to Sensi, and treat her as royally as she treated me, as she she so richly deserved it. The next decade, from 1989 to 1998, saw me getting healthier and Sensi going through health problems herself. She went through a kidney stone, which caused her pain and suffering. That was surgically removed. Then she developed feline hepatitus, which caused many problems with her ability to eat and maintain weight and good health. But, she was treated for it, and through lots of meds, tender loving care, and complete dedication on both our parts, Sensi regained her good quality of life.
Through all these obstacles, Sensi remained an absolute angel. She was just the greatest feline in the world. She always would greet me at the door when I would get home. She would always be in my lap as soon as I would sit down. She would lay on top of me and sleep on me in bed as I would read and sleep. She was indeed my "my little baby soofus."
Then, five years ago this month, right after New Year's day, she just stopped eating. She would drink but not eat. She was starving. I took her to her vet, who discovered a huge mass in her stomach that was filled with fluid, and quite malignant. She and I were told that her condition was terminal. She had only a few weeks to live.
So through her sheer grit and determination, we both struggled the rest of January 1998, with her and I enjoying some of the most closest, and meanigful times of our lives together. Then, on this day a year ago, I called her name when I got up, and she heard me calling her name, and somehow dragged herself out from under our bed to come to be near me. She was near the very end. She was too sick to continue on, and we both made a pact that it was time for her to go, and we both let each other go.
Sensi Sutliff died at about 10am, 5years ago today. I had her cremated, and have her ashes with me as it still keeps her near me always. I cried for the first time in many, many years when she passed away, as a true saint had left my life. I still mourn the loss of her constantly, and I miss her terribly. But what keeps me going is that she is in a better place now where she is healthy once again. Holly Sutliff is now keeping me me company. She is another stray that came into my life the very next day This was Sensi's gift to me so I would not be alone. She made sure that her Daddy would never be alone even though she had left this earthly life.
It is because of my Sensi's death that I became involved with Cindy. Rather than channelling my grief into negative things, I grieved for Sensi by mourning Cindy and becoming WebMaster of these web pages. Sensi wanted me to remember her by remembering Cindy. Sensi wants me to do these web pages not only for her and Cindy, but for Holly and all the precious animals of the world today.
God Bless You Sensi Sutliff. You are truly a saint. You are a miracle of God's many blessings. You are sheer beauty at its best. Sensi, you have blessed me and made my life a better one. Sensi Sutliff.....I love you.....I miss you........and most of all......I can really say today..... that we are together once again on this the Anniversary of your arrival at the beloved Rainbow Bridge.
Thanks for everything Sensi. I love you. God Bless You.
Shane Sutliff
January 29, 2003
Special thanks to David Chai, SACNYAACHS Chief Web Site Administrator, for doing this tribute page.
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