MORE OF LISA'S KITTY HUMOR
CAT TRANSLATION DICTIONARY - Volume I
CAT PHRASE---------------------------------------IT MEANS
Miawo--------------------------------------------Feed Me
Meeow--------------------------------------------Pet Me
Mrooww-------------------------------------------I Love You
Miioo-oo-oo--------------------------------------I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don't wait up.
Mrow---------------------------------------------I feel like making noise
Rrrow-mawww -------------------------------------Please, the time has come to tidy the litter box.
Rrrow-miawww-------------------------------------I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical.
Miaowmiaow---------------------------------------Play with me
Miaowmioaw---------------------------------------Have you noticed the shortageof available cat toys in this room?
Mioawmioaw---------------------------------------Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture.
Raowwwww-----------------------------------------I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy.
Mrowwwww-----------------------------------------I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private parts did not return with me from that visit to the vet.
Roww-maww-roww-----------------------------------I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen.
Gakk-ak-ak---------------------------------------My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball. Wherever could this have come from. I shall leave it here upon the carpeting.
Mow----------------------------------------------Snuggling is a good idea.
Moww---------------------------------------------Shedding is pretty good, too.
Mowww!-------------------------------------------I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so kindly.
Miaow! Miaow!-----------------------------------I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navi gate.
Mraakk!------------------------------------------Oh, small bird! Please come over here.
SsssRoww!----------------------------------------I believe that I have found a woodchuck or similar animal.
Mmmrowmmm----------------------------------------It is certain that the best tasting fish is one you have caught yourself.
Mmmmmmmm-----------------------------------------If I sit in the sunshine for another hour or so, I think I shall be satisfied.
Mreoaw-------------------------------------------Please ask room service to send up another can of tuna fish.
Mreeeow------------------------------------------Do you serve catnip with that?
Mroow--------------------------------------------I have forced my body into a tiny space in order to look cute. How am I doing?
Miaooww! Mriaow!--------------------------------Since you are using the can opener. I am certain that you understand the value of a well-fed and pampered cat. Please continue.
Submitted by Joan Conley, Syracuse, NY
August 19, 1998
A poem posted on the CRF list.
Stray Cat
by Francis Witham
Oh, what unhappy twist of fate Has brought you homeless to my gate? The gate where once another stood To beg for shelter, warmth and food For from that day I ceased to be The master of my destiny.
While he, with purr and velvet paw Became within my house the law. He scratched the furniture and shed And claimed the middle of my bed.
He ruled in arrogance and pride And broke my heart the day he died. So if you really think, oh Cat, I'd willingly relive all that Because you come forlorn and thin Well....don't just stand there... Come on in!